♪ C.R.A.S.H theme playing ♪ – Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! You get over there and freeze that busta in East Los Santos. – Yes, officer Tenpenny!
– Get your ass outta here. – Yeah, I see you later, a’ight?
I knew I was the chosen one! – Smoke help us with fight against crime. -Smoke? Hahahah! – Here we go. (Music plays) Cap yo’ ass! And yo’ ass! You want some too?! I can’t get beat, baby. Officer Big Smoke is on fire, playa! I want to be a leader of the world, baby. East Los Santos, 1988 – Tomé mierda! – Ay! – What’s going on, homie?
– Ay, fool! Wanna go to prison? – C’mon copper, officer, I didn’t do shit. – Relax, dude! – You better start running! – Come on, then! – Nah, I’m too fast for your ass. – Ay! – Out of my way, asshole! – Watch out! – Damn those long legs, fucking run. – Slow down, damn fool.
Ay! I ain’t built for this shit. – Nice try. Better luck next time. – Man, I’m done. Fuck!
– Smoke, you motherfucking piece of shit, gang-banging cocksucker! – Ay, look man, I’m heavy, I don’t move too fast. And that wasn’t my fault. – This ain’t about keeping some fucking badge! You paying attention?
Huh? – Yeah, yeah. – Get your ass outta here! – Fun rolling with you. – Move it! Cocksucker! – Man, fuck this shit. Fuck Tenpenny, and fuck his Polish lapdog, and fuck the police, man. Man, I’m done. – Oh, that is just great… shit! – Mom, I’m sorry! – You want your ass kicked? Young fool! – Chill out, MOM! – Go get a job, asshole! – Okay, just chill. – Move it or lose it! This sister here has got shit to do. – Beam me up, yo! – Come on, give me a little. – Motherfucker officer Tenpenny always trying to keep Big Smoke down. Shit, I’m the best ice-cold killer there ever was. (Looks at the sign) sign reads “WE NEED YOU! COME JOIN THE CLUCKIN BELL (Free food for workers) What’s up, sir! – Hello Big Smoke. You’re an honest, loyal customer. Why do you now seek this job? – No reason, just testing some shit out. – But really, though? – Man… money… the power… chicken. – Do you really think you will get this job? – Hehe, yeah. – Well, alright then.
Consider yourself hired. – Oh, fuck! yes, baby! – You better not fuck up.
Good luck. – Thanks, I’ll see you around. – Oh, and Smoke. Please don’t eat all the food. Please? – Yeah, okay. (Sun setting in timelapse) (nitght comes in) (why do you need to read the subtitle it’s useless) (why are you still reading) (car moving) (car stops) (walks and looks at the cashier) (standing at nothing) What’s up, chicken man! co,co,co! HAHAHAHA!!!! (cricket sound intensifies) (cashier do’s nothing) -Point taken, I’ll keep my mouth shut from now on.
-Just fuck off! (music plays) (bell rings) (romantic music plays) (big smoke ohhhs, big smoke begins to dance) (big smoke continues to dance) (big smoke is still dancing) (this fatass is on drug) -Cluck it fuck, place your order.
-Hey, baby. I need something to nut up in who ride.
-It’s all processed chicken ass. -You some kind of fat gangster.
-shit, I’aint fat a I’m big buff!
-Big and buff, oh! -Just how I like?
-Oh, shit! I was born, big baby!
-I like your thug. bye, baby. let’s go clothes shopping. -Sometime, sexy!
-Yes, baby! hold up! listen to me, chicken man. I gotta get out of here! For the grow, baby! For the fucking grow! yes, baby! yes! Retard!
-For the grow! yes! -This is the spot you lead.
-Dog, I’m right behind you let’s storm the place.
-Let’s do this shit give up the money disarray. -Well, that’s just fuckin doodle dandy.
-Move it, motherfucker! We ain’t got all day! (kaching) Later, homie. -Another day the same shit, man.
-I want to get a proper job here go yo shit 20%.
-What’d I tell ya? Nobody will stop me from doing good. Hey, baby. you don’t remember me do you. -Lord have mercy on me!
-Then why’d was had me all crystal meth.
-Get you heavy! this guy is really! getting on my fucking nerves -I’m lick you like MR. wofi!
-I’m losing my patience player!
-I must soak you up like a biscuit. what the hell?! don’t fuck with big smoke! motherfucker! -Man, why are you trying to fade me?
-You fucked it up!
-I’m moving. Scandalous you! So fat you jumped in the end you got stuck later, bitch! -This boy stole loco and.
-That’s why you love me, baby? Hey, yo! what is going on here? -Nothing nah.
-Did you just yell at our customer?
-Who me no never.
-Then why do you have a shotgun in your hand? Shit, you got me, man. and ain’t nothing here buster. likes to give people a hard time.
-You better not do this again. big smoke! I warned you, motherfucker! You’re a great man, a great man! whatever just keep out of trouble. crazy old fool! What the fuck?! -We shut down cluckin bell tonight!
-lord have mercy on me! -wassup?
-we’re closed! -Oh, give a shit.
-I ain’t serving you!
-Feed me is more rice!
-Bother, some other poor bastard please. -CJ!
-What’s up, dude? give me one of those please. yeah! give me one of them get big daddy! one of those yeah now please! Okay, this big cJ.
-Yeah, fat fools! packin bitch! can I get quiet move? hey, little man! Go be little someplace else. -Badass!
-You think I’m fat, huh? -karen a little extra weight around huh?
-you want someone big daddy’s special magic?
-You gotta get a little more exercise, honey. -Bitch! bitch! look at me now!
-Screw you! -CJ! You need to listen to me!
-Get out of here, little bitch asshole! -Listen to me. chill out, partner.
-You think you can deal with the fat man, huh?!
-Get out of here! you’re embarrassing yourself! – I’m gonna eat you, fool!
-Come on then, Johnson bitch! Do I hold up! a big to a to a pulp! my stomach hurts, asshole! Jeez, my heart. I got to take it easy. -Take it outside! you bastard!
-Come on, move! come on!
-Hit me then! -Watch out!
-Hey, fool! how the fuck can you fool me, right? -Get two little pork hands off me!
-Your dirty hands off my clothes!
-Who is the fat slob, asshole?!
-I’m fuck man! Come on! CJ! come on! -Pooja, I think he was messing with huh mess with the best, huh? you ignorant, fool!
-This shit ridiculous. I think I’m a pastor. -Look, I’m apologize, okay?
-Make fool now war that’s my motto. Hey, what is going on here again? you fat fucks are causing the biggest earthquake San Andreas has ever felt. who is responsible for this mess? -Hey, man. I warn a fuck. that idoit hit me. watch out!
-I warned you, smoke. I really did. you are fired! -Oh, I can’t belive that!
-And you mister, diabetes better pay up. We literally ran out of chicken. because of your two visits this week. You must be trippin. I don’t need to pay for it. -Get out of here, little bitch!
-You better pay up motherfucker or there will be trouble. Serious fucking trouble! -Mister boy, give me a break.
-I’m a vietnam veteran in the master of the five knuckle shuffle. -I will come and teach you some respect when you least expect it.
-Shut your mouth and bang your mom! -You want to drive?
-Okay, let’s get going. I’m hungry. Man, if you can eat your food, while everybody else is losing theirs and blaming you, you straight, homie. You’re a great storyteller. This making me hungry.